My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
