thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
