yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
