Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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