you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
