All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
