The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
