afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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