I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
