ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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