I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
