I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I can't turn off my feet"
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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