The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
