i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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