Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
