took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
