i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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