What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
this will be a night to untag.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
