nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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