When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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