I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize