You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
