he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I could make wine with my vomit
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
