My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize