Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
