Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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