He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
