Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
