Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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