I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
