I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
