you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
