I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
