mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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