it was like his penis was on wheels.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
