btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
