i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
