listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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