What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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