she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
