I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
