When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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