Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
