as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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