just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Are we still banned from the library?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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