Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
What did we do last night that was yellow?
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Never joke about your clitoris.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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