so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
