i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
