We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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