i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
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