My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize