we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
