She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
