Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
