Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
