So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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