she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
