I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize