also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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