but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
