I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
