Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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