shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
