He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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