They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize