So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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