Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
